With my martial art & military background, it is probably not surprising that I liked seeing William Ury open the fourth chapter of his book "Getting Past No: Negotiating In Difficult Situations" with a quote from Sun Tzu, "Build your opponent a golden bride to retreat across." Ury titled the chapter on not pushing, "Build Them A Golden Bridge," & it is a lovely idea to keep in mind when facing obstacles to agreement.
Ury points out of the most common reasons for deadlock: The proposal was not their idea, of their basic interests has not been met, the fear of losing face, & things are going speedy & the prospect of agreeing appears overwhelming. These are all reasons to be reluctant to agreement, & to break through them, a expert negotiator needs to refrain from pushing, despite how temping it might be to push, cajole, insist, or apply pressure.
You can look at the situation as having a chasm between their position & the agreement you need. In lieu of pushing them toward the agreement, which might push them over the fringe of the chasm, leading to no agreement whatsoever, you can follow Sun Tsu & Ury's advice to draw them in the direction you need them to move by building a golden bridge across the chasm.
Ury makes use of an example with filmmaker Steven Spielberg that I not only think is a great negotiation example, but a safety & self-defense example as well. When tormented by a bully, the thirteen year elderly Spielberg offered the larger boy a part in a film they was making. They became friends because Spielberg offered the bully an alternative path to recognition. This was a successful negotiation of a ceasefire & an example of building a golden bridge.
To learn more about building them a golden bridge, as well as other negotiating strategies for turning adversaries in to negotiating partners, I strongly recommend William Ury's "Getting Past No." It belongs on every negotiator & mediator's bookshelf.
To be successful, you need to start from where the other person is, not where you are. Your job is to guide the opposing party toward an eventual agreement. You need to make it simpler for the other side to surmount the obstacles to agreement. Make definite they are actively engaged in the method & devise a solution that becomes their idea, not yours. Make definite you satisfy their interests & help them save face if that is an issue. The simpler you can make the negotiations for the other side by building the golden bridge for them, but involving them in the crafting of the agreement, the more likely you will break through deadlock & move toward an agreement where both parties feel victorious.
Ury points out of the most common reasons for deadlock: The proposal was not their idea, of their basic interests has not been met, the fear of losing face, & things are going speedy & the prospect of agreeing appears overwhelming. These are all reasons to be reluctant to agreement, & to break through them, a expert negotiator needs to refrain from pushing, despite how temping it might be to push, cajole, insist, or apply pressure.
You can look at the situation as having a chasm between their position & the agreement you need. In lieu of pushing them toward the agreement, which might push them over the fringe of the chasm, leading to no agreement whatsoever, you can follow Sun Tsu & Ury's advice to draw them in the direction you need them to move by building a golden bridge across the chasm.
Ury makes use of an example with filmmaker Steven Spielberg that I not only think is a great negotiation example, but a safety & self-defense example as well. When tormented by a bully, the thirteen year elderly Spielberg offered the larger boy a part in a film they was making. They became friends because Spielberg offered the bully an alternative path to recognition. This was a successful negotiation of a ceasefire & an example of building a golden bridge.
To learn more about building them a golden bridge, as well as other negotiating strategies for turning adversaries in to negotiating partners, I strongly recommend William Ury's "Getting Past No." It belongs on every negotiator & mediator's bookshelf.
To be successful, you need to start from where the other person is, not where you are. Your job is to guide the opposing party toward an eventual agreement. You need to make it simpler for the other side to surmount the obstacles to agreement. Make definite they are actively engaged in the method & devise a solution that becomes their idea, not yours. Make definite you satisfy their interests & help them save face if that is an issue. The simpler you can make the negotiations for the other side by building the golden bridge for them, but involving them in the crafting of the agreement, the more likely you will break through deadlock & move toward an agreement where both parties feel victorious.
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